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Transcription:Who's Killing the Muppets?
Gonzo: For my next feat, I will walk across hot coals while explaining what the heck I am. *'Hooded Killer:' No! For your next feat, you die! (The Hooded Killer fires a cannon, decapitating Gonzo, and Gonzo's corpse falls on the hot coals. Then the Hooded Killer places a water sack on the scene) Gonzo's Funeral and Burial Ceremony *'Kermit:' Gonzo died as he lived, and our family will never be whole again. And now, ladies and gentlemen, MASTER STEVE MARTIN, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!! *'Steve Martin:' (With a prank arrow hat on his head) The lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. He makes me like.. *'Miss Piggy ''(interrupting):' Oh, are we burying him in the city? (Camilla clucks and jumps on Gonzo's casket as it gets lowered into the ground) *'Fozzie:' You know, the last time a Muppet died was-- *'Steve Martin (interrupting):' Excuse me? *'Fozzie:' Don’t you mean, "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"? *'Steve Martin:' No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the words outta your mouth?! *'Kermit:' Wow, Steve’s working blue, but he’s right. We vowed never to talk about...that night. '(Muppets turn to look at Scooter)(scooter waves at them) Later *'''Fozzie: And then the dad says, "The Aristocrats"! Wacka-wacka! *'Hooded Killer:' (Right up at the door) Hey, Fozzie? Why did the bear turn red? *'Fozzie:' I don’t know, stranger. *'Hooded Killer:' Because he was em-BEAR-rassed! *'Fozzie: '(Sarcasticly claps) Wacka-wacka. *'Hooded Killer:' Then how about this?! Because I'm going to' STAB YOU! (Killer stabs Fozzie in the neck and then the back with a knife) *'Fozzie:' What a showstopper. Ooohh! (Falls on stage) *'Statler:' See? I told you the bear was gonna die on stage tonight. (Statler and Waldorf laugh) *'Fozzie:' Hey, guys, can you stop laughing and call me an ambulance? *'Waldorf:' You're an ambulance. (Statler and Waldorf laugh again, and Fozzie is dragged offscreen by the Hooded Killer and murdered. Then a red wagon is rolled out on stage) *'Kermit:' (Penguins roll Fozzie's dead body away) First Gonzo, now Fozzie. Could we be paying the price for what we did to-- *'Miss Piggy:' Don’t say that name, Kermy. *'Kermit:' OOOH, Miss Piggy’s telling me what to do. Wow, hey, everybody! Come here! You gotta come see this. Piggy’s telling me what to do! Wow, must be a day that ends in Y! (Scooter walks by carriying a boxful of props) Hey, uh, Scooter? *'Scooter:' Oh! Hey there, boss. *'Kermit:' We need to talk about Skeeter’s death. *'Scooter:' Why, sure. I love talking about my twin sister, if not for that tragic accident... *'Kermit:' You know, I’m gonna stop you right there. I got something I gotta tell you. Baby Muppets Flashback *'Baby Kermit:' Let’s play The Little Mermaid! *'Baby Fozzie: '''Let’s question Kermit’s sexuality. Wacka-wacka! *'Baby Scooter:' Hold on! Let me grab my floaties. (Leaves) *'Baby Skeeter:' What a nerd. *'Baby Piggy:' Ahem. ''Moi will play "La Petite Mermaid". *'Baby Skeeter:' Mermaids aren’t fat! (Pushes Baby Piggy) *'Baby Kermit:' Yikes! Skeeter, if you only take my advice once in your natural life, take it now. Walk away.(Skeeter smacks Kermit) *'Baby Fozzie:' NANNY! SKEETER'S HITTING US AGAIN! *'Baby Kermit:' Yeah, who's the hobo now? (Skeeter beats up Fozzie, and Skeeter gets hit in the back by Kermit with a red wagon and knocked headfirst into the pool) If we do this thing, it’s our secret forever. (All Muppet Babies agree and drown Skeeter in the pool) *'All Muppet Babies:' NANNY! Present *'Scooter:' You killed my sister? *'Kermit:' It was 60% self-defense. But we're kind of burying the lead here. We think Skeeter’s come back from the grave for revenge! *'Scooter:' Oh, Skeeter will have her ''revenge…(Scooter reveals himself to be The killer in disguise) *'Kermit and Miss Piggy: AAAAHHH!!! *'''Scooter: (Takes out knife, and attacks Kermit) Fifteen seconds till your death! *'Miss Piggy:' HIIII-YAH! (Jumps to kick her, but misses) Wuh! *'Scooter:' Here it comes! Showtime! (Camilla clucks, holding a bow and arrow. Subtitle: "Get away from her, you witch!") *'Scooter:' You can’t shoot me! Chickens don’t even have fingers! (Camilla fires an arrow, stabbing Skeeter in the head) OOHH!! (Falls to the floor with Steve Martin behind her) *'Steve Martin ''(chuckling):''' That bit never gets old. (Dances as funny music starts) Category:Transcriptions